i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
