I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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