my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
