I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
