Can i not drive my cunt home
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
