Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
