We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
