Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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