She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize