I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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