I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
