Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
