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After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize