Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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