Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
