My room smells like vodka and shame
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
