whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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