I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
