btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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