I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
