He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
