Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
