I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
