you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
