True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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