i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize