my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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