I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
