what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
