he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
