Your mouth is God's brothel.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm passing your future prison.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
wow bdsm is so cute
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