At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
