batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
