Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
