Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
