I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
