I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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