shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
