My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
