Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
