There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
