I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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