Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think your dad took our porno
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize