someone get that fucking seahorse.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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