oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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