I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize