you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
