Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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