I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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