glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
