Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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