sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
