Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
