Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
