I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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