saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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