i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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