Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
