since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
