I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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