From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
