Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
