I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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