Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
