dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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