I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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