I showed him my bush... on skype.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize