the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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