the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
