This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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