My brain says no but my pants say off.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
do herpes really smell.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
