winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
im on a boat
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