and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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