I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
