i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
