I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
