and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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