I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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