can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
