im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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