i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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