I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
