I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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