so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
