I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize