The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
