i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
