She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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