How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
