So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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