Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
