I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
