then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
