Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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