honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
