She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
