I'm going to jail i love you
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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