I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
