"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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