my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
