Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
