When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
