i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
