i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
