She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
