Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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