dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
