a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
